Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

Some people yell at their computer when they lose hands as a matter of regularity. Some throw things, pound the desk, etc. I have always held the belief that I should, for the most part, carry myself when playing online in the same fashion as I would at a live game, showing no external reaction to the results at hand. I fail at this constantly of course. I grimace, I cuss under my breath, I grit my teeth, all things that would be *really* noticible in a live game, and i’m not even happy with that, and wish I was better at it.

Well you can see where this is going, right? I’m playing tonight and get very agitated. No, its not going as far as you think its going, I didn’t directly destroy my computer or a loved one or anything Anyway, I’m taking a beating and hit a point where I’m requiring myself to drop down a level with some new, more strict bankroll requirements that I’ve instituted. As I lose my last hand, and click sit out I let out a yell, “WELL F***”. Problem: I’m playing on my laptop, relaxing on the couch, and my cat is sitting on one arm. He freaks out, jumps, catches my ear in two spots, and the back of my neck. Three *solid* gashes. I start bleeding a LOT(ears, as it would turn out, bleed a LOT from superficial wounds), the laptop is cast aside in a panic, and somehow the display ends up cracked. It either landed badly on something on the floor or hit the table next to the couch.

So anyway, its time for a new laptop display, a new ear, and a new cat. Ok, not really on the last two.

And this really sums up the last few months. Just the ultimate in frustration. In April, I made as much money as I expected to be making in January. But in reality, I’m supremely frustrated. If I was just a marginal consistant winner my bankroll could have doubled or tripled now because of rakeback and bonuses. But man its been all over the place, and I’ve basically been a breakeven poker player for 5 months now, only building any at all because of rakeback.

I can’t be all negative though. I’m only negative in the poker sense. Moving back home, and quitting my job, no matter what happens, has been the best thing I’ve ever done. My contract work looks like it may continue indefinitely, and I actually have a second potential contract offer in the works. The help I’ve been able to give my family, and the time I’ve gotten to spend with them after having lived away from home for 13 years, is priceless. It looks like there’s a reasonable chance that this will lead to self-employment in some form in the end. Perhaps there’s still hope for my poker game, this post doesn’t signal any sort of defeat by any stretch. Its more of a “wow poker has been a massive frustration so far, but the experience as a whole has been wonderful and totally worth it” message.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at 11:41 pm by Posted By Radii and is filed under Ring Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.